A moment of truth here. I am somewhat technology challenged. I really am. It took me a while to even get a personal Facebook page. Recently, I celebrated what on the outside seemed like a really small success but felt like an immense accomplishment. For the longest time, I had been trying to figure out how to print remotely to my printer. As I write this, I realize how ridiculous that probably sounds but it’s the truth. On multiple occasions, I tried to do this and failed every time. Every. Single. Time.
Recently I decided to try again. There’s something you should know about me. I never give up. I certainly don’t go chasing challenges but when faced with one, I strive to persevere. And guess what? I succeeded! I successfully connected my printer to my computer so I could print wirelessly. It felt so good.
It got me thinking about the couples I work with. Couples who’ve been stuck in a rut for a while and keep circling around and around the same issues. They keep having what feels like the same argument which often results in the same outcome. There’s never a real solution. There’s silent treatment for a few hours or maybe even a few days. Or there’s the yelling back and forth until one or both partners are tired and frustrated.
My radical suggestion is to embrace your relationship failures. Life is messy and relationships sometimes even messier. When you’re in the midst of relationship tension or dissatisfaction with your partner, embrace it. I know this probably sounds odd to you that I’m telling you to embrace the challenges and failures in your relationship. But delaying or putting off problems won’t get you solutions. At least not lasting solutions that work and ultimately feel good to the both of you. Don’t shut down or give up. Embrace what feels hard and uncomfortable. The discomfort only lasts as long as you keep avoiding it.
Keep trying and you’ll ultimately find success.
If you’re truly committed to one another, you’ll strive and push until there’s a break through. Sometimes the solution is staring right at you but other times you need a little help and that’s okay too.
Reflect on past mistakes. What have you tried before? What didn’t work and what did you actually find success with? In my case, I needed to take a breather in between trying to find a resolution. I found myself getting frustrated at times that I had to walk away and give myself some time to regroup and think of a different strategy. I needed to remember what I tried previously so I didn’t keep making the same mistake over and over. Once I became clear on what wasn’t working, it helped me focus my energy on finding new ways to be successful.
I had to accept that there were things I was doing that just wasn’t giving me the results I wanted. That’s what I mean by embrace.
Do you keep using the same strategies to resolve conflict? Is there an issue that one or both of you are avoiding because it feels too painful or uncomfortable to address?
I can help you learn how to have those hard conversations, figure out what isn’t working and implement new strategies that can give your relationship the joy and success you’re looking for. Feel free to contact me to get started today.