Enjoying Marriage Beyond The Honeymoon

So you’ve tied the knot, congratulations!!! Whether you lived together prior to marriage or are moving in for the first time, there are a few of you that will not feel the same after saying your “I do’s.” You may have heard from friends or family that marriage changes everything. The reality is that a marriage is what you make it. Everything can in deed change or everything could stay the same. Whether you experience a happy and prosperous marriage depends on the environment you create with you partner. Are there goals you want to accomplish with your partner? You can accomplish them.

Is spending time together important to you? Want to deepen intimacy beyond your dating experience? Enjoy the bliss of marriage. Continue to enjoy those sweet intimate moments together. Here are some tips to enjoy your marriage beyond the euphoric first months or years of your marriage.

Set Goals for Your Relationship Early

So many couples fail to set relationship goals prior to marriage and many others fail to take the time to set short and long-term goals for their relationship. Much emphasis is placed on financial goals, professional goals and even vacation goals but so many fail to set aside goals for the relationship.

How about when you get into an argument? Will you work to resolve your difference without interference or input from family and friends? Many relationships have been doomed by family and friends who have your best interest at heart, however, “you” has become “us” and the advocacy of one can no longer supersede the bond created through matrimony.

Set a goal to resolve differences prior to the dawning of a new day. The longer the dispute stays unresolved, the longer the negative thoughts permeate your mind which deepens your dismay and makes it more difficult to resolve the issue. Not to mention the awkward silence that’s created by the tactical war without words, tense moments and lost opportunities to deepen your love. Take time to sit down with your partner to create goals for addressing key issues that will arise in your relationship.

Plan Time Together

The pace of your life may depend on the structure of your relationship, demands of your profession or even the city you live in. Some couples may work together, others may have one breadwinner and yet many more where both spouses work in their profession outside the home. There are too many variations to list but you get the gist. One spouse may have a demanding job while another seems to be stress free working in an occupation that seems like more fun than work.

Some couples may both work demanding jobs and quite frankly are exhausted by the time they get home. An interesting barrier couples face in spending time together happens to be the city they live in as well as the city they work in. While some couples live within 20 minutes of home for example, there are still many individuals who work an hour or more (traffic included) from home. To put that into perspective, take two couples who both leave work at 5 p.m. One gets home in 20 minutes and has started to prepare dinner or sit down to eat if dinner is already prepared while the other still has 40 minutes before sauntering through the front door.

While 40 minutes may not seem like much, when you consider the cumulative nature of missing 200 minutes or 3 hours and 20 minutes of home time in the evening, you can see why this becomes a barrier for some couples. Resolve early on to spend “protected” time with your spouse. True life emergencies excluded, this is time that cannot be interrupted by anything or anyone. Be creative, plan different activities, outings or just spend time being in the company of one another deepening your knowledge of and interest in your partner.

Take Time to be Intimate

While sex in marriage is important and certainly each partner should feel satisfied sexually, intimacy goes beyond sexual satisfaction. Intimacy in this case is deepened on a mental level. These are the moments of intimate touches, cuddles on the couch or loving conversations about your future together. These moments for far too many couples stopped after the knot was tied.

Remember those nights you talked until 3am? You may not be able to stay up that late anymore but certainly the substance of those conversations was intriguing enough to keep you awake all night. Those moments can easily be recreated through pillow talk or long walks at your local lake, beach, boardwalk or downtown walking trail.

These are the affectionate moments that deepen you bond, moments you will long for far beyond the climactic experience of sex. Be intimate in a way that best meets the needs of your relationship. Consider your partner’s intimacy needs and resolve to meet those needs one at a time. Some people are uncomfortable with public displays of intimacy so a subtle pinky finger hold or peck on the cheek may be enough to start deepening intimacy in your marriage.

Remember, you vowed “till death do us part,” play the long game; work consistently, persistently and diligently with your partner to create a marriage that fulfills you both.

Kerri-Anne Brown

Kerri-Anne Brown

Hi, I'm Kerri-Anne and I'm a licensed mental health counselor in Orlando, FL. I help individuals and couples who are living with fertility challenges, perinatal loss, birth trauma and difficulties with postpartum adjustments. Please feel free to reach out anytime.

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